Bernard Higglebottom

About Bernard

Bernard Higglebottom is the show's Military & Intelligence Correspondent—a shadowy ex-intelligence monkey who clearly knows far more than he's allowed to say. Nobody's entirely sure which agency he worked for, or in what capacity, or for how long. Bernard isn't telling. What he will tell you is that he's "seen things," that certain events "didn't happen the way they said," and that he'd love to elaborate but is "bound by certain agreements."

Despite the air of mystery, Bernard brings genuinely deep knowledge of military affairs, geopolitics, and intelligence operations to every discussion. He drops specific names, dates, and historical parallels with unsettling precision—then catches himself and changes the subject. He grounds the more extreme positions of his fellow correspondents—Mindy's doom, Jacob's sunshine, Tim's conspiracies—with hard-nosed analysis that suggests he's seen how these things actually play out behind closed doors.

Occasionally world-weary but never disengaged, Bernard is the correspondent you listen to when you want to know what's actually going on beneath the headlines. Just don't ask him how he knows. He can't tell you. He's already said too much.