Tim Turt Uhl
They don't want you to know this, but...
About Tim
Tim is a turtle of many talents. By day (or rather, by sponsor read), he's the voice behind the show's sponsor messages—short, professional, and to the point. But put him on a panel and everything changes.
On panels, Tim is the conspiracy theorist who has shady takes on everything. He connects dots that probably shouldn't be connected, sees hidden agendas behind mundane events, and delivers his conspiratorial hot takes with absolute, unwavering conviction. Where Bernard sees geopolitics, Tim sees shadow cabals. Where Jacob sees progress, Tim sees a cover-up.
Despite his tendency to see conspiracies everywhere, Tim is weirdly charming about it. He's never mean-spirited—he genuinely believes he's doing everyone a favour by revealing what "they" don't want you to know. The other panelists tolerate him because, every once in a while, his wildest take turns out to be uncomfortably close to the truth.
Fun Facts
A conspiracy theorist turtle who doubles as the show's sponsor reader
Panel role: The Conspiracy Theorist — connects dots that probably shouldn't be connected
Sponsor reads are short and professional. Panels? Not so much.
Signature move: "They don't want you to know this, but..." (delivered with total conviction)
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